We forget our old lives, the roads taken to this place where we are now. And even if we try to look back and remember, we often find that the images are fuzzy. Trying to remember is valiant albeit futile. And while my heart flutters, the further time displaces and propels our lives forward, the less I mourn and the more sure I am that I am happiest where I am. Here and in the now.
Why the deep thoughts? Well, despite my otherwise bubbly personality, that to most casual observers will come off as a bit ditzy, there are serious thoughts that ruminate at all times. Evan says I have impostor syndrome and playing a ditz is a big part of that (according to him).
Big year, big changes, big realizations. My birthday is coming up. And yet again, I am
nagged asked about what I want for my special day. Yet again, I don’t want anything because I don’t need anything. There are things I adore because I like pretty things and style. I love shoes and purses and beautiful jewelry. But they are all material things and, despite their luminosity and craftsmanship, are just things. They’re possessions that take space in your home and rarely, if ever, bring the type of joy that real life does. I am, in that respect, a lot like Evan. So in the end, all I want for my birthday is a date with my husband and some delicious cake with my family. And I happen to think that one of the most special things is to receive a call on the exact day because … you know someone thought of you and cared enough to remember.