Category: <span>Life</span>

As is the ritual during the summer and fall months, we make an almost bi-weekly pilgrimage to Delaware and Pennsylvania to attend the many birthdays of our littlest cousins. As tiring as it can be to make the trek, we always enjoy our time and are happy to see our families. This past weekend was our youngest cousin’s 1st birthday party. The theme was The Cat in the Hat and it was executed beautifully. My cousin brought in a musician to do some signing and dancing with the kids. Sophia couldn’t get enough of all her cousins, the food was delicious and if you know my cousin, you know she likes to bake. The dessert table rivaled the savory offerings.

When the party dust had settled, it was quiet sibling (okay, cousin) time at my parents’ house. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think they were siblings and that is just how I like it.

Fall is here, the leaves are blanketing our neighborhood in a glorious patchwork of yellows, oranges and reds. I am sad about not being able to take long walks outside in just a light cardigan. I am however, looking forward to more cuddles with cozy blankets, kisses and art projects.

But really, fall is just a fiery reminder that life doesn’t stay still, that life changes, it goes on whether we like it or not. We can lament or get on board. We can savor and enjoy the moment because the moment will be gone in just a second.

“I love you, Mama!”, “Mama, hug!”, “Mama, kiss!” … my daily treasures — the best parts of my every day. They are extra special when they come in the evenings between nuzzles, giggles, and valiant efforts to stretch the bedtime routine. Instantly, I am awash in unbelievable warmth, an indescribable feeling of otherworldly joy knowing that my 2 years of sleepless nights are worth it despite momentary lapses in believing otherwise. Sophia’s delighted squeals and laughter, powerful enough to cause her hiccups, are my affirmation that she knows that she is loved. This is a universal truth — there is no greater pleasure than to love and to be loved. There is also no greater motivator and supporter than knowing that you are loved, supported, rooted for and that is perhaps one of the  best kept secrets of successful people — they are simply loved.

I was shocked to find out that not everyone (besides Prince Charles) knows what love is. I grew up in a house where hugs and kisses and tough love were doled out in plenty. How can people reach their twenties and not know what love is? Unfortunately, I know too well — though there is still hope —  remedial love school 😉 in the form of wet kisses and knowing glances. The past can’t be changed, and besides, it shouldn’t be judged so harshly — hindsight is 20/20. But the now is ours to cease, to make whatever we like, ours to change and make a difference. So go on, turn around and say I love you! to the one beside you.

No matter how green the grass is on the other side, there are always imperfections. Working parents are often times thrilled to get out and interact with peers and solve creative problems and yet are sometimes jealous that stay-at-home parents get morning cuddles with their children. I am sure that stay-at-home parents are jealous of working parents who get to go out and be just them and not Mom and Dad. 

I have written several posts about being a working mom and while I am happy with my choice, there are of course drawbacks. Sophia has recently increased her attachment to me by what seems to be five-fold. Not only does she want to spend time with me every minute that I am home, she now wants to cuddle more, get hugs and kisses in the middle of the night and be changed and dressed only by me if I am in the house. I don’t mind doing any of that because I am keenly very aware that one day, she will no longer want hugs or kisses (at least not in public) or need my help getting dressed.

There is something that makes me very melancholy and that is that she cries when I have to head to work (if she is awake), she gets extra clingy worrying that I’ll leave in the middle of the night. The latter is probably due to the fact that I leave at 6:30 AM when she is still asleep.

We’ve started to teach her that everyone follows some sort of a routine and that our routine is such that five days a week “Mommy is going to work and will be back in the evening”. We are also teaching her to read time in a very rudimentary manner. We showed her that when the short needle is over the number five, either mom or dad will be home.

Even that is not enough and we find ourselves reiterating “Mommy is ALWAYS coming back”.

How many people do you know who don’t start their morning with a cup of coffee and a side of their favorite social media outlet? Who do you know that doesn’t have a few favorite blogs that they read or who isn’t a Pinterest fiend?

We all partake in reading about and sharing the perfect moments in our life. I say “the perfect moments” because most everyone puts on a positive spin on anything they care to share. It is part of our culture — Even when chit-chatting at the water-cooler  keurig machine, we automatically say “doing well” when asked “how are you?”. Let’s just admit that we are not doing well all the time.

This can lead to frenemies in the extreme case and is, most definitely, envy. Why so? Because in a way, people brag and want to showcase a perfect life. Sometimes, people go over the top, brag too much about every single insignificant accomplishment and over-share. How annoying?! No one needs to read about your entire day in a series of ten posts on just that day or that you got whatever at where-ever on the most amazing sale. That’s not brag-worthy.

Let’s set a rule — that anyone can only share and brag about something that at least seven out of ten people cannot or would not do. Wouldn’t that lessen our envy and anxiety? Wouldn’t that lead to a serious decrease in frenemies? Of course there are events and things everyone SHOULD share and brag about. These are big life events — marriage, birth of a child, cool vacation, new degree, new job, interesting experience, any award or recognition, … and so on and so forth.

I recently read an interesting Vogue article about David Chang, a brilliant and incredibly successful young chef. In the article, the author talks about Chang saying that he wants diners to come to his restaurants, taste his food and say “why didn’t I think of that? … But you didn’t”. In other words, if you work hard at something, if you’re working or studying while you could be out with your friends, if you’ve made this and other sacrifices over a prolonged period of time and your payoff is a great degree, a great job, recognition, then by all means, stand on top of Facebook’s or Twitter’s proverbial roof and scream about it with great pride.

The rest of us, shouldn’t get jealous, and should instead be supportive because, sure, we could have done it too, but didn’t.

I know, you’re probably coming here today looking for a Weekending post, a de-brief of what delicious goodies were being cooked over the weekend. I am still working on that post and you can admire our culinary morsels shortly. I think it is important to highlight that this blog is about the art of living and life sometimes demands deeper thoughts.

So here goes — Life is a journey — it is not a race. We only get one and, unless someone shows me undeniable proof otherwise, we should make the best of it. The way we live our life is a reflection of our ideas, beliefs, priorities and generally, the choices we make. Our successes and failures are the outcomes of the choices we made. I believe the following to be true especially here in the US — Our success and quality of life are highly correlated to the amount of hard work and dedication you are willing to devote to your craft.

The happiest people are those that are successful at something — anything. They are the ones that are passionate, hardworking, willing to take risks, make tough choices, make mistakes, learn from them and try again. These happy people are the ones that aren’t looking around at anyone else, they aren’t comparing themselves to anyone else. These happy people are marching to their own beat. This doesn’t mean their life is not without challenges, but they have a different attitude — they embrace the challenges and have the willpower to start over.

Funny I mention this — this is the attitude I learned from my parents. Here are a few other pieces of advice that I hear, I agree with, will share with Sophia as she gets older.

* Don’t lie, the truth will always come out.

* Don’t make others feel bad, even if they hurt your feelings.

* Everyone is different and has different abilities.

* You’re not better than anyone else.

* Earn, not expect your success.

* Marry for love, not money. Marry someone who is educated — beauty is fleeting, a brilliant mind is forever.

* Always find something positive in every negative situation.

* Don’t expect anything from anyone except when you’ve earned it.